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It's important to continue learning about your partner

Marriage Promises

Our lives are constantly changing and evolving. This is inevitable. So why do we think that once we get married - that's it, we don't have to try to keep connecting with our partner?  A marriage is a union of two separate people who will face personal challenges that may differ from their partners, so it's important that we continue to learn about each other....

We are having to continually learn about our partners and keep up with new hobbies, interests, views about life, religion, politics and society.  This makes it vital to keep the lines of communication open with your loved one to make sure you are on the same page or at least have an understanding of the page that each other are on.



When people first get married, their vows may understandably be idealistic and optimistic, which is great.  At the time of marriage, couples are generally at the peak of their love for each other.  However, those couples who have been married for a while will know that things change.  That little quirk you thought was super cute when you first got together, is no longer cute, but a potenial deal breaking annoyance.

This is why renewing or reaffirming your vows is a great way to modernise your marriage and make some promises that are more fitting to where you are in your relationship and are maybe a little easier to keep.

Whenever there is a change in your dynamic, for example, babies, where one partner goes part time, or stops work to raise the children, roles in your relationship change. Issues of housework, finances, and quality time may arise.

Remember when you get married, you don’t cease to be your own person.  You are two individuals who have made a mutual decision to join your lives together - so that needs a big conversation to make sure that you are both going to be happy with how it will all work. Find that balance.

It’s all about expectations. If you don’t have that important conversation before you are married - the one where you both say “what would you like this marriage to look like?”  then you are on the back foot before the honeymoon has even begun.

Relationship education guides you through questions like:

Would you like to have children? When? How many?

Who will stay home with the children or will you both work?

What style of parenting will you use? What type of schooling?

Will you organise your finances together or will one person be responsible?

How will that work? If one person is not working, what will happen?

What do you like to spend your money on?

One earns more than the other. How do you both feel about that?

Where will you live?

Will you buy or will you rent?

Will you be happy to move if your partner receives a job in another city?

Will it be ok if your mother comes to stay?

What are your political views?

If they don’t match, is that something that you can live with?

If you’ve asked each other these questions and more, and you still feel like you are the right match for each other, and you decide to get married, then good for you.

Years down the track, you might feel exactly the same as you did on your wedding day, or you both may have grown in different directions emotionally, intellectually and socially.  This is when you should ask yourself these same questions and see if you’re still on the same page and if you’re not - seek assistance to help you work together to get back on the same page?

If you'd like to find resources on marriage education - The Celebrants Network can help you with that... just click here to find a celebrant in your local area



 

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Sunday, 29 November 2020

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