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The demon ...
By Mr Pat Slee - Celebrant
Celebrants & Celebrations Network Austraia
Pimpama. QLD
www.spotlightstars.com.au
Well...
I had 'one of those moments' recently. (January 2013 heatwave!)
A Beachside wedding.. 4.30pm..
not on the sand but in a park alongside.. Damn Hot!
Park structure shelters were all around with shade..
My Bride insisted the set up by the organisers at a certain tree = absolutely no shade.
Pat is set up ready to go the usual 30 mins before..
All OK.. Pat is calm..
Pat has his trusty towel to wipe the ever increasing brow furrows...
I had 'one of those moments' recently. (January 2013 heatwave!)
A Beachside wedding.. 4.30pm..
not on the sand but in a park alongside.. Damn Hot!
Park structure shelters were all around with shade..
My Bride insisted the set up by the organisers at a certain tree = absolutely no shade.
Pat is set up ready to go the usual 30 mins before..
All OK.. Pat is calm..
Pat has his trusty towel to wipe the ever increasing brow furrows...
4.25 comes... guests have arrived, huddled in shady spots... Pat Chats..
Organiser lady has rung bride.. she is just putting the dress on..
will be 20 minutes late = great
but...
Organiser lady has rung bride.. she is just putting the dress on..
will be 20 minutes late = great
but...
No sign of the groom & his 6 attendants...
Organiser lady rings the groom... no answer.
Pat remains patient and smiling..
Organiser lady rings the groom... no answer.
Pat remains patient and smiling..
4.35 comes.. still no groom & attendants
Organiser rings again... gets him this time..
"Where are you"
"At the Surf Club down the road having a few beers.. it's ******* hot out there today"
Organiser Lady says "Get your ***** down here quickly, the bride will arrive soon and your guests are melting!"
Pat became a little unsettled...
he actually contemplated taking up a religion that allows ritualistic beheading with a scimitar!
Pat has a word in the Organiser Lady's ear...
Pat goes to his car (not far away), turns on the diesel motor and the air con..
Pat is now cool, calm and collected.
Pat has a word in the Organiser Lady's ear...
Pat goes to his car (not far away), turns on the diesel motor and the air con..
Pat is now cool, calm and collected.
4.45 the Groom & Groomsmen arrive.
After a little while the groom asks the Organiser lady where the Celebrant is..
She says "he went to his car... but I don't know where that is!!!"
(This bit was revealed in a discussion later between me and the Organiser lady)
The groom started saying what a ******* I was for not being there when he arrived, etc, etc...
After a little while the groom asks the Organiser lady where the Celebrant is..
She says "he went to his car... but I don't know where that is!!!"
(This bit was revealed in a discussion later between me and the Organiser lady)
The groom started saying what a ******* I was for not being there when he arrived, etc, etc...
carrying on and on... making a scene)
Remember that all of his guests knew I had been there now for nearly an hour and his antics did not make him look like a winner
Remember that all of his guests knew I had been there now for nearly an hour and his antics did not make him look like a winner
4.55 The Bridal Car arrives... 25 minutes late. (thank heavens!!)
Pat exits the air con.. calmly walks over to the Hire car..
Pat exits the air con.. calmly walks over to the Hire car..
organises the photographer... the bridal party of gorgeous girls
and has a reassuring few words with Dad and the beautiful bride.
(again from the Organiser Lady... the Groom had no idea I was over there at the car and almost ran to her demanding she find me - NOW !!!)
All is ready.. a few more photos to take..
Pat calmly walks to the unshaded 55°C (feels like) chosen spot...
and says...
"Gday (Groom).. glad you and your mates could drag yourself away from the beers to attend today...
Pat calmly walks to the unshaded 55°C (feels like) chosen spot...
and says...
"Gday (Groom).. glad you and your mates could drag yourself away from the beers to attend today...
now, do I have to go to my car and get my breathalyser to ensure you are not drunk!"
(yes, I actually said that.. and a bit more !! naughty me..
)
He looked at me not really knowing what to say...
because he knew they were in the wrong after my few words.
(yes, I actually said that.. and a bit more !! naughty me..
)He looked at me not really knowing what to say...
because he knew they were in the wrong after my few words.
So... I just put my hand on his shoulder and said..
"Now mate.. you just stand there... and you guys move out to there... fantastic lads...
let's forget the Surf Club and the beers and concentrate on what this day is all about..
"Now mate.. you just stand there... and you guys move out to there... fantastic lads...
let's forget the Surf Club and the beers and concentrate on what this day is all about..
your wedding mate... you guys can get drunk anywhere, anytime... and probably will..
Wedding Ceremony proceeded.. all was great..
no smart comments came from the male choir beside me..
Guest were happy.. Bride in tears..
My job was 99% done...
Guest were happy.. Bride in tears..
My job was 99% done...
Then after the ceremony, the Groom walked past me, stopped, shook my hand and said..
"sorry for being late Pat"...
My answer: "Life is a series of lessons mate... you just had one".
The job is now 100% done...
"sorry for being late Pat"...
My answer: "Life is a series of lessons mate... you just had one".
The job is now 100% done...
Moral of the story:
Age and Wisdom are mates... who obviously used to drink in Surf Clubs!
Age and Wisdom are mates... who obviously used to drink in Surf Clubs!
It is all very well for the guys to have a drink on their wedding day, but they must remember when and where they are and limit their intake.
They must also remember WHY they are there and that the Groom will NOT be married if the Celebrant judges them to be inebriated and incapable of making the commitment to a contract of marriage in this state.
That's right... it is the judgement of the Celebrant ALONE.. whether the person is sober enough to marry.
So make sure you enjoy yourself at the Ceremony in a sober manner...
The Reception awaits your indulgence... 
Keep Smiling..
Mr Pat Slee - Celebrant
Pimpama. QLD.
www.spotlightstars.com.au
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Comments 1
Great story Pat and also great advice to all those Grooms out there!!
Barry J Bundell
Civil Marriage Celebrant (TCNA)
Tumut NSW
http://www.BlueSkyCelebrantServices.com.au