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Can a couple be "more married" than married?
Response by our TCNA Life Celebrant Member Dally M Messenger III to a Recent Letter
Peter Waterhouse repeats an old slur often told by supporters of formal marriage, that de facto relationships just take the form of some sort of ''holding pattern'' until ''something better comes along'' (Letters, 15/8). My partner and I have been in a loving de facto relationship for more than 25 years, producing two wonderful sons on the way. We have never had any intention of either looking for something better or of getting married.
We have a deep philosophical problem with marriage, a view held, I might say, more strongly by the female of our partnership than the male, that neither church, nor government, nor family for that matter, has any role in our relationship. The only thing I regret is that I've never been able to get any return on all the expensive wedding presents I've bought over the years.
Lex Borthwick, Burwood
But Lex Borthwick (Letters: Unwedded Bliss 16/8/2013), you and your de facto wife are married, and you and your two sons are a family.
Most people in your position simply want to openly communicate their love for each other and celebrate the achievements of their marriage. They want to express their joy and their hopes in the company of the people they love, have befriended, and respect. They also want to call on the support of family and friends in the ups and downs of their relationship and the bringing up of their sons and daughters.
A marriage ceremony, carefully created, is a means of defining a path, and strengthening a relationship by expressing it.
International College of Celebrancy